Decision Making

As we mentioned in the introduction to Join NGL Friends, we have a number of requests of you that we want you to engage with seriously as you decide whether being an NGL Friend is a fit for you.

The overall principle we are asking of you is that you recognize the limits of our collective resources as a community, and adopt the attitude of reverence and “do no harm.” We have worked for a long time with much care to create this space.  We want it to be as welcoming as we know how, and we know it’s not perfect.

We want to learn from and with you, and our capacity is limited to engage with you beyond what we offer generally. We ask that you act with awareness of being a guest in our community. We have attempted to offer as much guidance as we can to support your journey into and within NGL, and we may have not given sufficient clarity.

If so, let us know when we ask for feedback, and we will aim to find a way to offer more guidance in new ways. We deeply believe that you will learn and get a sense of belonging from attending calls and we ask that you do this with care for all of our specific requests (which mostly focus on your overall intention and focus, not concrete actions):

1. Nurture deep respect, curiosity, and openness to the power of togetherness and operating in gift based on willingness.
2. Honor our space by acting with awareness and care, with us, for our limited resources by:
   1. having as few expectations as possible in terms of individual guidance, support, and attention;
   2. lending your energy to support what is happening;
   3. channeling what you want to question or challenge to opportunities that we will provide in spaces specifically designated for this kind of exchange;
   4. as a way of supporting our capacity to focus on our own relationships and purpose for our meetings, muting yourself and having your video off on all meetings except for designated moments when we ask to hear from you. (Note: for coaching calls, with their different purpose, we welcome you to participate fully.);
3. When you want to share with others about being an NGL Friend:
   1. share your excitement, what you are learning and why you are happy to be an NGL Friend, so that other people might want to become NGL Friends too;
   2. honor the importance that the process to become an NGL Friend has in sustaining what we do by only sharing documents and links you have access to when there is explicit agreement to do so with the D&M Team member you are collaborating with.

Important: Clicking on a link in this page will open it in a new page or tab – when you close that tab, you will come back to this page.

In order to become an NGL Friend we are asking you to accept that the Conflict Engagement (CE) system applies to you in your relation with NGL. This section is longer than others, because we are aiming to attend to what often destroys groups: lack of attention to the core significance of attending to conflict in conscious and proactive ways.

While laying out the entirety of the CE system here would be overwhelming, we want to give you a taste of how our system functions as you consider whether this would be a fit for you:

• we base ourselves on the assumption of innocence throughout the system (see the Nonviolent Core Commitment #8);
• we see conflicts as an integral part of life and an opportunity for learning in any community;
• we recognize that under patriarchal conditioning we almost always need support when we are in conflict;
• we trust in our shared capacity to find solutions that work for everyone;
• we offer specific processes and types of support to D&M Team members to engage with conflict .

In preparation for inviting people to join as NGL Friends, we began conversations about two additional topics that are still in developments:

• due to the limited resources of the community, we do not have the capacity to offer any active support with conflicts that arise between NGL Friends. We do, however, have learning resources available and reflection questions that you can use to work your way through a conflict;
• when conflicts arise between a member of the D&M Team and an NGL Friend, we do aim to include that within what the CE system covers. In this case, the process can be activated by any of the parties;
• as no group can include “everyone” we recognize that under rare and extreme conditions, we may choose to terminate someone’s NGL Friend access. We are still developing the criteria and processes that would lead to activating this, with the aim to infuse it with as much care, clarity, integrity, and empathy as possible.

Your “Become a Friend Journey” begins!

The following four sections are intended to initiate the process of alignment between you and NGL. Please take your time reading them. Our intention in communicating with you in this way is to bring clarity to your involvement in NGL as a Friend and for that clarity to live in both your mind and in your body. The more clearly you understand the invitation by which you are welcomed into NGL, the more ease we anticipate having in meeting our purpose together. For us, NGL Friends contributes to our intent to practice openness and build relationships that will mutually support our collaboration towards nonviolent global liberation.