Conflict engagement, including termination of an NGL Friend’s access – terms & process

In order to become an NGL Friend we are asking you to accept that the Conflict Engagement (CE) system applies to you in your relation with NGL. This section is longer than others, because we are aiming to attend to what often destroys groups: lack of attention to the core significance of attending to conflict in conscious and proactive ways.

While laying out the entirety of the CE system here would be overwhelming, we want to give you a taste of how our system functions as you consider whether this would be a fit for you:

  • we base ourselves on the assumption of innocence throughout the system (see the Nonviolent Core Commitment #8);
  • we see conflicts as an integral part of life and an opportunity for learning in any community;
  • we recognize that under patriarchal conditioning we almost always need support when we are in conflict;
  • we trust in our shared capacity to find solutions that work for everyone;
  • we offer specific processes and types of support to D&M Team members to engage with conflict .

In preparation for inviting people to join as NGL Friends, we began conversations about two additional topics that are still in developments:

  • due to the limited resources of the community, we do not have the capacity to offer any active support with conflicts that arise between NGL Friends. We do, however, have learning resources available and reflection questions that you can use to work your way through a conflict;
  • when conflicts arise between a member of the D&M Team and an NGL Friend, we do aim to include that within what the CE system covers. In this case, the process can be activated by any of the parties;
  • as no group can include “everyone” we recognize that under rare and extreme conditions, we may choose to terminate someone’s NGL Friend access. We are still developing the criteria and processes that would lead to activating this, with the aim to infuse it with as much care, clarity, integrity, and empathy as possible.

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